


The Edge

by WolfKomoki



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Camp Nanowrimo, Camp nanowrimo July 2017, Dark Barry Allen, F/M, Flashbacks, Future Barry Allen, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 21:36:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11366118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfKomoki/pseuds/WolfKomoki
Summary: Barry Allen lost the love of his life in 2017. When his blood was stolen in 2030, a street drug known as the Speedster's Friend was created, creating new speedsters with it. That damn drug had destroyed the world. There was only one way to stop this: Barry had to go back to 2017, and stop the uprising of 2030.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Flash is owned by The CW.  
> If this fic seems familiar to you, it's because it's a rewrite of a fic called "A thousand miles away from you".  
> Well it's time for round 2 of Camp Nanowrimo.

 

          Barry stares at the holographic pictures of Iris West plastered on the time vault’s walls. These pictures were the only thing he had left. After all, his real pictures of Iris had faded away, just like that horrible night in 2017 when he lost the love of his life. He stares at the faded needle marks on his arms. He can still remember the day that Julian completely snapped, injecting him with the famous street drug: The Speedster’s Friend. The Speedster’s Friend was created when Barry’s blood was stolen.

          Since then whoever injected themselves with the drug would gain permanent access to the speed force. However, the drug also corrupted the user’s mind, and so there was an uprising. The famous uprising of 2030. Julian had captured Barry, and every night he would inject Barry with the drug, as punishment for turning Caitlin into Killer Frost. Being injected with that shit was like being dipped into a volcano, and it happened every night until one day, Barry’s heart couldn’t take it anymore, and it stopped.

          “What have I done? Oh God, what have I done?” Julian panics, and that’s when he starts chest compressions. When that didn’t work, he tilts Barry’s head, squeezing his nose as he starts breathing into his mouth. _Allen please, come on please. Don’t die mate, come on._ Julian pleads, still desperately trying to revive him. Eventually Barry gasps for air, and that’s when Julian sighs with relief.

         

          “Please, just kill me. I can’t take it anymore.” Barry pleads. When Barry’s heart stopped, he couldn’t feel the pain anymore, and for a minute, he felt peaceful, and then his heart was beating again. No doubt for the sole purpose of being tortured, again. Barry didn’t mean for Caitlin to become Killer Frost, he didn’t. He was grieving, and he made a stupid decision that ruined everyone’s lives.

          Julian hated himself now. Allen was his friend, and he tortured him until he died. No amount of “I’m sorry” will ever make up for that. When Julian tried to help him up from the floor, Barry screamed at the top of his lungs. Barry eventually gets up after that, and that’s when Julian heads towards the door.

          “I’m so sorry that I ever did this to you. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know that I’m so sorry.” Julian had stated, and that was the last time that Barry ever saw Julian. Three years have passed since then, but seeing the faint marks on his arms is a constant reminder of what Julian had done to him every night for a year.

Barry didn’t know where everyone else was, all he did know was that when the Central City Relocation Project came into action, everyone that he knew was gone. Cisco had moved to Earth-2 with Joe, Julian had returned to England, which left Barry and Wally being the only two people left in Central City. Barry had tried to snap Wally out of his catatonic state after Savitar broke his back, but nothing that Barry was doing was working, and so he grabs a syringe of The Speedster’s Friend.

“I’m sorry Wally. I didn’t want to have to do this, but I’ve tried everything that I can think of.” Barry apologizes, and that’s when he injects Wally’s arm with the drug. When the drug entered Wally’s system, Barry jumped back when Wally screamed.

          “Wally! Wally! Shhh… Shhh… you’re okay, you’re okay now!” Barry gasps. Slowly the speed force returns to Wally’s body, and that’s when he slowly looks up at Barry. Barry’s skin was a lot paler now, and his hair was down to his shoulders, though it wasn’t healthy looking, at all. Also, he looked like he hadn’t bathed, or shaved in months. The worst thing of all though, was how dead, his eyes looked.

          “Barry?” Wally asks, and that’s when he realized something: his back was healed.

          “Oh, it’s so good to hear your voice!” Barry breathes. Wally had been catatonic for sixteen years, and nothing that Barry was doing was working. Slowly, Wally gets up from his chair.

          “Barry! We’ve got to stop Savitar! He’s going to kill Iris!” Wally pleads, and that’s when Barry’s heart broke.

          “Wally, man, she… she’s been dead for sixteen years. I… I couldn’t save her. I’m sorry.” Barry apologizes.

          “Sixteen years? Wait a minute, what year is it?” Wally asks.

          “2033.” Barry answers simply.

          “Where’s Joe? I have to let him know that I’m okay!” Wally shrieks.

          “Wally, slow down. Joe isn’t here anymore. He and Cisco moved to Earth-2 three years ago.” Barry informs.

          “What about HR?” Wally asks.

          “Savitar killed him shortly after Iris died.” Barry sighs.

          “And Traci?” Wally asks.

          “I don’t know. We lost contact with her sixteen years ago.” Barry answers. When Barry heard footsteps outside, he grabs his gun.

          “Quiet. I hear something.” Barry warns, and that’s when he slowly walks to the back of Star Labs, slowly walking outside with Wally as he hands him a gun. When he gets outside, he sees a woman shivering against a tree.

          “Jesus Christ, Barry! Put the gun down! What the hell?” Wally shrieks. Barry shoots a warning shot at the ground.

          “ _Stop_. Come out with your hands up, or I shoot. I don’t care if you’re resistance, or protector _Got it_?” Barry threatens, aiming his gun at the woman.

          “Okay! Okay! Please, don’t hurt me!” The woman gasps, and that’s when Barry’s eyes widened in shock.

          “Traci?” He gasps, and that’s when he and Wally runs over to her.

          “Traci! Oh my God! Where the hell have you been?” Barry gasps, pulling her in for a hug.

          “When the protectors found out that I joined your side in the resistance, they locked me up in Iron Heights. I only just now got out when Joe came back, and found me. If it wasn’t for him looking after me all that time, I would’ve starved.” Traci recalls.

          “Traci, is he still here?” Barry asks.

          “No, he went back to Earth-2. I’m sorry.” Traci apologizes.

          “I have to go back. I have to go back to 2017, and stop the uprising from ever happening.” Barry realizes.

          “Please, just be careful, okay? We’ll be waiting for you when you get back.” Traci pleads, and that’s when Barry starts running. Soon enough, he finds himself in the speed force, and that’s when he starts running backwards in time. 2033, 2032, 2031, 2030, 2029, 2028, 2027, 2026, 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, and finally, 2017.

When Barry steps out of the speed force, the first thing he sees is Central City in pristine condition. The sight of Central City in pristine condition made him want to just fall apart, and cry. _Stop it. You’re a soldier, you can’t afford to cry._ He tells himself, out of habit. Emotions on the battlefield would get you killed, and so Barry only allows himself to cry when he’s safe. He reaches for the gun in his pocket, sighing with relief when he realizes that it was still there.

          Barry’s forty-fourth birthday was today, but Barry couldn’t care less. Birthdays were a waste of time on the battlefield. You wouldn’t know that he was that old, thanks to the decelerated aging that comes with the speed force. Barry still looks like a man in his twenties.

 

 

 

 

 

 

         

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

          Barry clutched the guns in his pockets: a pistol, and an energy pistol. He knows that he doesn’t need these in 2017, but still, he felt a hell of a lot safer with them, than without them. Grabbing his phone, Barry shuts off the holographic display, hoping that the absence of it would help him blend in more. Now that his phone looked like the cell phones of this time, Barry starts making a hit list of people that need to be eliminated before 2030. General Wade Eiling, Marcus Stockheimer, Carson Jones, Lilith Anderson, and Kendal Higgins.

          General Eiling was the most important target on the list: if he was dead before 2030, then he wouldn’t be there to steal Barry’s blood in the first place. Marcus Stockheimer is the leader of the Protectors, and the creator of the Anti-Speed Force Gun. Carson Jones created the Speedster’s Doom, a drug designed to manipulate the Speed Force in a speedster’s system. Lilith Anderson was one of the speedsters created by the drug. Finally, Kendal Higgins was the one that created the Central City Relocation Project.

          Barry considered going to Team Flash for help, but something tells him that they would be against what he needs to do, so he decides to run to one of the bars that he frequented when he was still a member of the resistance. After showing his old id to the bouncer, Barry walks inside and sits at the bar.

          “What can I get you?” The bartender asks.

          “I need information.” Barry answers.

          “What do you think this is? A library? Either buy a drink, or get out!” The bartender snaps. Barry sighs.

          “Fine, then give me a Club Soda.” Barry snaps. _I am not in the mood for this shit lady._

“Now then, what do you need to know?” The bartender asks. Slowly, Barry puts down Eiling’s picture.

          “I need to know the location of this individual.” Barry answers.

          “General Eiling? Why do you need to know?” She asks.

          “Someone paid me to deliver him a singagram. Apparently, he has a secret admirer.” Barry lies.

          “Aww, that’s sweet. Wade is a friend of mine, here’s his last known address.” The bartender smiles, and that’s when Barry goes to the address.

When Barry gets there, he can see lights on, on the inside. Being careful not to make any noise, Barry walks towards the back of the house, phasing his way inside. Eventually, he finds Eiling, and that’s when he aims his energy gun at him.

          “Oh, come on, you and I both know that _you_ wouldn’t pull the trigger. The Flash doesn’t kill.” Eiling chuckles.

          “Would you bet your life on it?” Barry smirks.

          “Is that supposed to scare me? Come on kid, I know for a fact that you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you did kill me.” Eiling chuckles, and that’s when Barry fires the gun at the wall. Eiling jumps back, fear in his eyes as he stares at the lifeless look in Barry’s eyes.

          “Look, kid, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but if you kill me, you’ll regret it.” Eiling states, still afraid of this new version of Barry. Eiling barely had time to blink before Barry shoots him, watching as Eiling breathes his last. After putting his energy gun away, Barry races away from the scene, watching as Eiling’s home fades in the distance. When Barry stops running, he starts to feel hungry, and that’s when he realizes that he forgot to bring food with him before he jumped backwards in time.

          He races over to Big Belly Burger, pushing the buttons on his guns as they disguised themselves. Barry chose to disguise them as two pocket watches, and that’s when he walks into the restaurant. When Barry walked into the place, he expected to see total darkness, and holes in the walls. Slowly, he walks up to the menu, and orders two double-doubles. It was about forty minutes later when they brought out the food, and Barry sits down. Unwrapping the paper around the burger, Barry bites into it, and that’s when he feels nauseated. He had forgotten just how filling real food was.

          Barry runs outside, and that’s when he empties the content of his stomach. _Jesus, that’s going to take some getting used to._ Suddenly, it clicks: if he can’t handle the food from this time, then he’s going to need Team Flash’s help. _Damn it, I was hoping to avoid them at all costs._

Sighing, Barry runs to Star Labs, arriving there a minute later.

          Barry stares at the building for a while before he realizes that his hands were shaking. Barry didn’t know how they would react upon finding out that he has cellular degeneration, but he didn’t care. He’d looked for three damn years for a cure not only for himself, but for Wally as well. He’d found one for Wally, but he was never able to find a cure for himself. Whatever, if he can fix his future while there’s still breath in his body, that’s all that Barry cares about. When Barry walks inside Star Labs, his world goes black. Cisco was up in seconds, running over towards Older Barry, catching him before his head hits the ground. When Barry sees his future-self come in here, he was confused, but upon seeing him collapse, well he was worried.

          “What’s wrong with him?” Barry asks, running over towards him.

          “I don’t know, we need to hook him up to the monitors.” Caitlin states, and that’s when Barry puts his older self on the cots, watching as Caitlin hooks him up to the monitors. When she sees the results, Caitlin’s heart breaks.

          “No.” She gasps, tears pouring from her eyes.

          “What? Caitlin, what’s wrong with him?” Julian asks, hesitant upon finding out the answer.

          “He has cellular degeneration. He’s dying Julian.” Caitlin sighs.

          “Damn it.” HR sighs.

          “We have to _do_ something! We can’t let him die!” Cisco pleads.

          “Wait, what the hell is that on his wrist?” Joe asks.

          “It looks like… injection marks. How is that possible?” Iris asks.

 

         

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I am so behind.


	3. Chapter 3

          Barry takes the time to look at his future self. His hair was past his shoulders, his skin was paler, and he could see faint injection marks on his wrists. Also, it’s clear that he hasn’t shaved in quite some time. Caitlin was currently gripping Older Barry’s arm, trying to find a good vein to use. When she couldn’t find one, she looks at his other arm to find faint scratches in the skin. _Jesus, whoever tortured him, was sadistic._

Finally, she found a vein, and that’s when she inserted the ivs. It was about two minutes later when Wally comes back from Kid Flash duty to find the main room of Star Labs empty.

          “What the hell? Where is everyone?” He asks, slowly checking every room. Eventually he gets to the med bay, and that’s when he sees Barry’s older self with ivs in his arm.

          “But you’re… he’s... what is going on here?” Wally asks, sitting next to Barry.

“Honestly? I’m not sure. All we know right now is that I… Well, he, came here from the future. The question is: how far into the future is he from?” Barry answers.

          “There’s something else, isn’t there?” Wally asks, noticing the glum looks on everyone’s faces.

          “He has some sort of cellular degeneration. He’s dying Wally.” Barry answers.

          “Let’s not crowd him, okay? He might be frightened when he wakes up and sees all of us in the same room.” Joe reminds them.

          “I’m staying.” Iris demands.

          “So am I.” Wally agrees.

          “Alright, then Barry, HR, and I will be in the main room.” Joe states, and that’s when they joined Caitlin. Iris sits next to Older Barry, hoping that her presence would be enough to comfort him. Honestly, this Barry looks terrible: his hair was past his shoulders, but it was covered in split ends. Also, Iris is pretty sure that Older Barry hasn’t bathed, or shaved in a long time. The thing that breaks her heart the most though, was the faint injection marks on his right arm, and the faint scratches on his left. Iris grabs his wrist with one hand, running her fingers through his hair with the other.

          “Come back to us.” She pleads. Two hours have passed since then, and Older Barry still hasn’t woken up yet.

          “What if… Iris what if he never wakes up? Barry would’ve woken up by now.” Wally panics.

          “Hey, we’re going to find a cure. Julian’s the best there is.” Iris smiles.

          “He’s _dying_ Iris! Do you get that? He’s _sick_ , and we don’t know how much time he has left!” Wally shrieks.

          “I know that Wally! I believe in Julian. If anyone can find a cure for him, it’s him.” Iris sighs. Older Barry still hasn’t woken two hours later, and that’s when Iris and Wally decide to go home, and that’s when Caitlin decides to go home, letting Julian watch over him for the rest of the night.

Julian looks at the monitors in charge of the speed force in Older Barry’s cells. Slowly, he gets out his phone, and starts recording it.

          “Speed force observation A: one minute.” Julian speaks into the video. After a minute, he stops the video, and gets out a stopwatch. After that, he replays the video, stopping the stop watch after a minute. Next, he writes down his findings. _Older Barry’s Speed force seems to be much faster than our Barry’s. Origin of timeline of Older Barry is still unknown._

When Julian looks at Older Barry’s speed force cells, he realizes something: black, and white lightning was flickering around the healthy cells. Quickly, he records it with his phone, watching as the evidence disappears, for now. Well, at least he has something to work from.

          It was about forty minutes later when Older Barry opens his eyes, to see Julian’s face looking back at him.

          “You gave us quite a scare. You were out for two hours and forty minutes.” Julian greets.

          “Don’t get your hopes up about a cure.” Older Barry states. Now that Julian had the time to look at Older Barry, the first thing he notices is just how dead his eyes, and voice are.

          “Allen, come on, don’t talk like that.” Julian pleads.

          “ _Don’t_ call me that. If you must call me something, call me Bar.” Older Barry snaps. Being called Allen reminds him of the war, something that he was actively trying to prevent.

          “Okay, Bar. Don’t talk like that. A cure is out there, we just have to find it.” Julian corrects.

          “Believe me, I spent three years looking for a cure. There’s nothing out there Julian. I’m dying, and you need to accept that.” Bar demands, trying to get through to him.

          “ _No_ Bar. I’m _going_ to find a cure. You can’t give up so easily.” Julian growls.

          “I’m forty-four years old Julian. I’m too old to believe in magic cures that might or might not exist.” Bar sighs with frustration.

          “Come on Bar, there’s got to be something to hope for.” Julian states.

          “Unless you can offer something tangible, I’m not getting my hopes up.” Bar snaps. _Can’t he understand that my health doesn’t matter? Changing the future is what matters! That damn drug can’t be created, it can’t._ Sighing, Julian shows him the recording of the black and white lightning flickering across his cells. As Bar looks at it, all he could think was: _you did this to me._

          “Okay, okay.” Bar states.

          “I’m going to go let Caitlin know that you’re awake.” Julian tells him, and that’s when he goes into the main room.

          “Caitlin?” Julian calls, gently placing his hand on her shoulder.

          “Five more minutes.” She calls, still asleep.

          “Cait, he’s awake.” Julian calls. Caitlin slowly sits, yawning.

          “Oh, and he wants us to call him Bar.” Julian informs.

          “Well, at least it’s better than calling him Older Barry.” Caitlin chuckles, and that’s when she walks over to him.

          “Okay Bar, do you think you can try solid food now?” Caitlin asks.

          “Err, I’m not used to anything but synthesized food anymore. Do you guys still have those power bars? Those are the closest thing that I can eat right now.”

 

 

 

 

         

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, that chapter did not want to get written. Bar is a rather interesting character to write. So, if it seems like Bar has given up, well in a sense he has. He spent three years [2030-2033] trying to cure the damage that The Speedster's Friend had done to him, and he spent sixteen years [2017-2033] trying to find a way to snap Wally out of a catatonic state. Add all that to the fact that he's dying, well Bar doesn't have a fight left in him. His only concern is fixing the future before he dies.  
> And yes, Bar is going to meet Iris. That's still planned.


	4. Chapter 4

          When Bar was alone, he crossed General Eiling’s name off the hit list. Bar doesn’t know what he’s going to do when they find out about what he’s been doing, but what he does know is that at this point, he couldn't care less what they think. He’s used to being alone, after the Central City Relocation Project, everyone that he used to know was gone, except for Wally, who was in a catatonic state. Would Wally have signed up for the project, or would he have stayed with him? That’s something that Bar has wondered for a long time. Now that he had a minute to himself, Bar goes down to the time vault, locking the door before they had the chance to find him.

          “Hello Mr. Allen, what can I do for you?” Gideon greets.

          “First, you can call me Bar.” Bar answers.

          “What can I do for you Mr. Bar?” Gideon asks.

          “Show me the timeline for the year 2019.” Bar demands.

          “Certainly Mr. Bar.” Gideon greets. Bar felt sick upon seeing the timeline. Instead of Eiling stealing his blood, Marcus steals Wally’s blood.

          “Gideon, show me the timeline from 2027.” Bar demands.

          “Of course, Mr. Bar.” Gideon greets. Well, Bar has changed one aspect of the future: The Central City Relocation Project never happened. _Oh God, if that never happened then, Oh God, my friends and family are probably looking for me._

          “Gideon, show me the timeline from 2030.” Bar demands. When Bar sees the timeline, he sighs. The uprising still happens. He may have changed one thing, but not anything that matters.

          “Thank you, Gideon. Please go back to the 2024 article.” Bar demands, and that’s when Gideon shows the article. Bar decides to sit on the floor for a while, listening to the gentle hum of Gideon’s hologram. It was nice to have time to himself for a change. Bar hasn’t been around people in three years, and the one person that was by his side was catatonic, so it’s not like he had anyone else to talk to.

          After a few minutes of sitting here, Bar steps out of the vault, unlocking it as he walks into the main room. When he gets there, he sees Barry sitting in the chair, and that’s when he decides to join him.

          “Hey.” He greets, sitting next to him.

          “Hey.” Barry greets.

          “So, I noticed that you don’t smile too much.” Barry tells him.

          “Don’t really have anything to smile about these days.” Bar admits.

          “So, come on, it’s our birthday, we should celebrate!” Barry smiles.

          “Barry, that’s sweet, but I don’t celebrate my birthday anymore.” Bar sighs.

          “What? Why?” Barry asks.

          “Birthdays are a waste of time on the battlefield.” Bar answers simply.

          “Well, I’m not taking no for an answer. Come on man, you’re not on a battlefield anymore. Let’s do something.” Barry demands.

          “I’ll race you.” Bar suggests.

          “Oh, you are on.” Barry smirks, and that’s when they both start running. As Barry chased after Bar, he watched as white lightning appeared behind him. Eventually, though, Bar disappears, leaving Barry behind. When Bar stops running, he realizes that he left Barry behind in Central City, and that’s when he stops, standing on a roof in Keystone.

When he stands on the roof, his heart stops upon seeing Savitar.

          “You’re much faster than the last time I saw you.” Savitar speaks, still in that suit of his.

          “You think you’re so clever, don’t you? Killing Iris so you can become a God?” Bar snaps. If Savitar thinks that he was afraid of him, well he was sorely mistaken.

          “You should be afraid of me boy.” Savitar threatens.

          “What is it you have against me anyway, huh? I’ve done _nothing_ to you.” Bar demands.

          “Oh, is that how you see it? You’re pathetic.” Savitar growls.

          “You still haven’t answered my question.” Bar reminds him, and that’s when Savitar puts his claws through Bar’s back, snapping his spine. When Bar hits the ground, he passes out from the pain. He was lying there for forty minutes before Barry finds him on the rooftop. After running up there, Barry drapes him over his shoulder, racing to Star Labs as fast as he can.

          “ _Help_!” He screams as soon as he races inside.

          “What happened?” Joe shrieks, helping Bar onto the cots.

          “I don’t know! One minute we were having a race, and the next I find him unconscious on a roof in Keystone!” Barry shrieks. After hooking him up to the monitors, Barry stared at them in horror.

          “Damn it, his spine is shattered.” Caitlin sighs, and that’s when she puts the neck brace on him.

          “He’s going to be okay, right? He’ll heal from this?” Barry asks, afraid of the answer.

          “I really don’t know Allen. With his cells the way they are, I don’t know if he _can_ heal from this.” Julian sighs.

          “I’ll get the chair.” Barry states, going down to get it. After carrying it back into the med bay, he looks over to Cisco.

          “Hey, do you think we could get this thing to hover?” Barry asks.

          “What like Professor X?” Cisco asks.

          “Exactly.” Barry answers.

          “I don’t know, Barry, that seems a little farfetched, even for you.” Iris answers.

          “But is it doable?” Barry asks. It was a couple minutes later when Bar opens his eyes to see Iris standing next to Barry. Upon seeing Iris, his breath hitches in his throat. Soon he starts hyperventilating. _How is she alive? I watched her die, I watched Savitar kill her. I felt her die in my arms. She can’t be here, she can’t. She can’t!_

          Bar could hear someone talking to him, but he couldn’t make out the words. His heart was pounding in his ears, and all he could hear was his distressed breathing. Bar felt like he was suffocating.

          “Bar! Bar! What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” Iris called, not understanding what was going on.

          “Breathe, Bar. You’ve got to breathe. Slowly, in, out. In, out.” Barry instructs. He’s had plenty of panic attacks to know exactly how to help him, he is him after all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

          _When Bar wakes up, he finds himself strapped to Julian’s table. The syringes of The Speedster’s Friend were still on the table, and the power dampening cuffs were pinned to his wrists. How could he have been so foolish, thinking that he had escaped? He knows that the drug causes vivid hallucinations that were indistinguishable from reality, he should have known that escaping was a fantasy of his drugged mind. Was dying a hallucination too, or had he gone to hell?_

_Bar looked in the room, hoping to find something that could aid in his escape. Before he had the chance to look though, Julian was back._

_“Ah, awake already? Well, it’s time to up our game Allen.” Julian smirks, and that’s when he injects Bar with the Speedster’s Friend._

          When Bar wakes up, he’s gasping for air. Slowly, he looks around the room. He sees a clock, a desk, a chair, the monitors, and the wall. He notices the things he can feel: his hair on the cot, the pillow on the cot, the blanket on the cot, and sheets on the cot. He listens to the sounds in the background: the soft ticking of the clock, the beeping of the heart monitor, the sound of Caitlin’s shoes clacking on the floor.

          He notices the things he can smell: the ocean candle burning on the table, and the freshly mowed grass coming from outside. He can taste his hair in his mouth, which is when he shakes his head, trying to get the hair out of his mouth. He stares at the clock for a while, listening to the soft ticking of the hands and the beeping of the heart monitor as he tries to go back to sleep. It’s currently two in the morning, he shouldn’t be awake right now, and yet he is. Ever since he escaped Julian’s torture sessions, he’s had frequent nightmares where he finds himself back in that room with Julian staring menacingly at him as he injects him with that damn drug.

          When Savitar broke his back, Bar became very frustrated. If it wasn’t for his stupid back, then he would be going after the next person on his hit list right now, and instead he’s bed ridden, and alone. Bar knows that people need sleep, but it would be nice to have at least one person in the room with him while he sleeps, especially when he wakes up gasping for air from his nightmares. This doesn’t surprise Bar though. He’s not their Barry, why should they care about him?

          He wasn’t even planning on talking to them at first, and yet here he was. He knows that they wouldn't have the stomach for what he’s here to do, so he wouldn’t dream of asking for their help. They’ve never been to war, they would never be okay with killing someone, and so Bar is on his own. If Bar could move, he’d break everything in this room, but he can’t, so the only thing he can do is scream in frustration. He screams, and screams, and screams until his throat is dry, and he can’t scream anymore.

         He realizes that he’s never going to get back to sleep now, so he decides to watch the heart monitor for a while. It was three hours later when Bar goes back to sleep. When Bar wakes up, Iris’s face is looking down at him.

          “Hey sleepyhead.” Iris chuckles.

          “What time is it?” Bar asks.

          “It’s three in the afternoon.” Iris answers. Bar looked up when Caitlin walked in the room, wheeling in Eobard’s old chair.

          “Sorry, Bar, but it’s time for your x-rays.” She greets, walking over to Bar as she unhooks him from the machines.

          “I still can’t move. How is this going to work?” Bar asks.

          “Well, I’m going to put you in the chair, and then I’m going to lay you down on the machine.” Caitlin explains. Bar snorted at that comment.

          “What?” Caitlin asks.

          “No offense Caitlin, but I don’t think you’d be able to carry me on your own.” Bar chuckles. It was at this point that Barry runs into the room.

          “Well, that’s what you have me for.” Barry smiles, helping Bar into the chair. Now that he was in the chair, Caitlin wheels him over to the machine, and Barry helps him lie down on the machine.

          “Okay Bar, you ready?” Caitlin calls.

          “Just get on with it.” Bar sighs. He doesn’t know why they’re doing this, he still can’t move, so he knows that his back hasn’t healed. Still, a part of him wants to see the results, even if he knows that nothing has changed. It was about fifteen minutes later when Barry helped him into the chair, and wheeled him back to the cot.

          “Do you think that you can adjust the bed, so that I can sit up for a while? I’m sick of lying down.” Bar asks.

          “I’ll try it, but I really think you should lie down some more.” Caitlin tells him, and that’s when she pushes the button to lift the cot. Once it was in a seated position, Barry helps Bar onto the cot, and that’s when Caitlin reattached the devices to him. When Bar arrived at Star Labs, he concealed his guns by using the cloaking feature to disguise them as two pocket watches, and placed them behind the wall where Gideon’s operating system would be. It was the only place that he knew that they would never look.

          Bar doesn’t think that they’d figure out how to disable the cloaking device on the guns, but he couldn’t take that chance, so he hid them, and disguised them as mere pocket watches.

          “Sorry, Bar, but I gotta get back to work, my lunch break is over.” Barry apologizes, and that’s when he runs back to the precinct.

          “Yeah, mine too. I’ll be back later.” Iris agrees, and that’s when she drives back to her job.

          “Sorry that you’re all alone here. Hey, why don’t we watch a movie?” Caitlin suggests, sitting next to Bar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep I'm still way behind.


	6. Chapter 6

          It was about a week later when Bar wakes up to feel an excruciating pain in his back, and legs. He looks over towards Eobard’s chair. It’s funny how history repeats its self, isn’t it? He had already spent time in this chair when Zoom was around, and now because of Savitar, here he was with a broken back, again. Slowly, he phased himself out of the machines attached to him, and that’s when he crawls to the edge of the cot, gripping the sides as he slowly sits up.

          Bar finds that when he sat up that that made the pain worse, but he was too frustrated to care. He was tired of lying down, he can at least make it to Eobard’s chair, it was less than a foot away, come on. Slowly he stands up, and that’s when he realizes that that was a bad idea. His legs felt like they were on fire, and he ends up crashing to the floor, knocking Eobard’s chair over. Cisco was in the main room, adjusting his vibe glasses when he heard a loud crash. Putting down the screwdriver, and the glasses, he runs towards the sound to see Bar on the floor, with Eobard’s chair next to him.

          “Bar! What happened?” Cisco shouts, helping Bar off the floor.

          “Were you trying to get up? Do you have any feelings in your back or legs?” Cisco asks, picking up the chair as he helps Bar back into the cot.

          “I woke up and I felt pain in my legs, so I tried to walk to the chair, and I couldn’t walk any further, so I fell.” Bar sighs. He was so frustrated, he just wants to be able to walk, and run again. He came here to change the future, and he can’t, not when he can’t even walk more than six steps.

          “I’ll go get Caitlin.” Cisco states, slowly walking away.

          “Wait! Help me into the chair, please?” Bar pleads.

          “Okay, but I really think I should get Caitlin to look at you.” Cisco states, and that’s when he helps Bar into the chair.

          “I’m sorry.” Bar apologizes. He knew that he should have stopped as soon as he felt the pain, but he was determined to do it. Only now he may have hurt himself more because of his stubbornness.

          “For what? Falling? You couldn’t have known that was going to happen.” Cisco insists.

          “Let me go get Caitlin.” Cisco demands, walking into the main room. When he gets there, he sees Caitlin sleeping on the couch.

          “Cait, wake up. Cait.” Cisco calls, gently shaking her.

          “Five more minutes.” Caitlin whines, not ready to get up yet.

          “Caitlin, Bar might be hurt.” Cisco speaks. Caitlin eventually wakes up, yawning as she returns to the med bay.

          “What were you _thinking_? We’re going to have to run a new x-ray now. You shouldn’t have tried to get up!” Caitlin yells.

          “I know, I know. I just wanted the pain to stop, so I thought I’d get in the chair.” Bar sighs.

          “Look Bar, I know you’re frustrated, I’m frustrated too, but you can’t keep pushing yourself like this. Your body doesn’t heal like Barry’s does, it’s going to take some time.” Caitlin tries to reassure him. Slowly, Bar wheels himself to the x-ray room, stopping at the door as Caitlin helps lay him on the machine.

          “Okay Bar, try not to move.” Caitlin calls, turning on the machine. After fifteen minutes, Caitlin helps him back in the chair, and that’s when he wheels back into the med bay. When he gets there, Caitlin hands him one of the extra laptops she keeps around here, plugging it in and unlocking it so that Bar can use it.

          “Here you go. I’ve written down the WIFI password, computer password, and Netflix password if you want to watch it.” Caitlin tells him. It was about five minutes later when Julian walks in.

          “You alright? What was all the yelling about?” Julian asks.

          “I fell and Caitlin here was angry that I tried to walk before I was completely healed.” Bar answers. Slowly Julian grabbed Bar’s wrist, and that’s when Bar jumps.

          “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. It’s time to draw your blood.” Julian apologizes.

          “Why?” Bar asks, trying not to panic. He knows that this Julian hasn’t hurt him, but it’s hard to make that distinction when he sees him every day.

          “I need to check the speed force in your system, and your blood is the best way to do that.” Julian answers. It was a couple minutes later when he sees the fear in his eyes.

          “Bar? It’s alright, I’m not going to hurt you.” Julian calls, lowering his voice. When he realized that Bar wasn’t going to calm down, he let Caitlin take over. Sighing, Julian decides to go into work to talk to Joe.

When he gets there, Joe walks over to him.

          “I thought today was your day off?” He asks, slowly joining him outside.

          “It is, but I needed to talk to you.” Julian answers.

          “Is everything alright?” Joe asks with concern.

          “It’s Bar. He’s afraid of me Joe, I don’t know what to do. He won’t let me touch him.” Julian sighs.

          “Look, I don’t know what Bar’s been through, but it’s obvious that whatever it was, traumatized him. He puts on a brave face, but he’s scared.” Joe informs.

          “But it’s _me_ that he’s the most scared of! I want to help him, and he won’t let me!” Julian shrieks. Realizing that he was yelling, he lowers his voice.

          “How am I supposed to cure him, if he won’t let me get near him?” He sighs.

          “I don’t know Julian, I really don’t.” Joe sighs.

          “I just wish that I knew what my future-self did to him, that made him so afraid of me.” Julian admits.

          “Are you sure you really want to know? You might hate yourself for whatever it is.” Joe asks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I decided to lower my word count. My original word count wasn't working for me.


	7. Chapter 7

          Bar’s back healed about two weeks later, much to everyone’s relief. Caitlin didn’t know what she would do if Bar’s back never healed. To Julian’s relief, Bar was starting to warm up to him. He still wouldn’t let him come near him with needles, but he did at least let him, touch him, which was a start. Julian was frustrated. Bar was right when he said that there wasn’t a cure for this.

          “Maybe you could play around with the cure you made for me?” Caitlin suggests, handing Julian the serum.

          “Well, I’m going to go for a run. Being bedridden sucks ass.” Bar states, and that’s when he goes down to the time vault. He hadn’t been down there since Savitar broke his back, but now that his back was healed again, he had work to do. Slowly, he reached for his weapons that he stashed inside Gideon’s operating system, taking them out of their disguise as they turned into guns. After that, he hides them, and that’s when he leaves Star Labs. He still had to eliminate the rest of the people on his hit list, and being bedridden delayed that. He appreciated everything that Julian was doing to cure him, but he gave up on a cure a long time ago. Right now, he needs Savitar.

          He finds him in an abandoned park, sitting on the ground in his suit. When Savitar killed Iris in 2017, he swore that he would get his vengeance. When Savitar finally did die, well Bar felt hollow. Now there was no one to direct his grief at, and so he broke down. He stopped letting himself feel when the uprising happened, until one day he exploded. He’s not fond of the idea of working with Savitar, after all he will kill Iris in the future, but the fact of the matter is, Savitar has no problem killing people, and that’s something that Bar needs. Slowly, he walks over to Savitar, and that’s when Savitar stands up.

          “What do you want?” He asks.

          “I need your help.” Bar answers.

          “And why would you work with me?” Savitar asks. Iris West was the love of Barry Allen’s life, so he didn’t understand how any version of Barry would be willing to work with him.

          “Because there are people that I need killed, and you’re the best killer that I know.” Bar answers.

          “While I am flattered that you came to me, why would you work with me? I will kill Iris West in the future.” Savitar asks.

          “Believe me, I know. It’s been sixteen years since she died.” Bar states.

          “Tell me, why would you ever work with me, knowing that I was the reason that your loved one is dead?” Savitar asks.

          “Because there’s something even worse that happens in the future that I’m trying to prevent.” Bar admits.

          “Timeline alterations? I can get behind that.” Savitar smirks, and that’s when he takes Bar to an abandoned building. When Bar walks inside the building, he can barely see, save for the blue lights from Savitar’s suit. Savitar races over to the fuse box, slowly turning it on as the lights slowly turned on. Apparently, this building was used as a film set in the early 2000’s, which is why the place still had power.

          “Can I ask you something?” Bar asks, slowly sitting in one of the chairs.

          “What is it?” Savitar asks. Savitar didn’t know what to make of this version of Barry. This Barry was older, paler. His hair was past his shoulders, and it’s clear that he hasn’t shaved in quite some time. Savitar looked into his eyes, and all he could see was emptiness staring back at him.

          “What do you look like under your suit?” Bar asks. Bar watched as the suit slowly opened. Each piece had its own mechanism. Finally, he steps out of the suit, and that’s when Bar finds a familiar face looking back at him. The person that had stepped out of the suit, was himself. This version of himself was blind in his right eye, and the right side of his face was covered in burns.

          “Hello Barry.” Savitar smirks. He knew this day was coming, he just didn’t expect for it to be from another version of Barry.

          “I’m not Barry, not anymore.” Bar protests.

          “Then, what should I call you?” Savitar asks.

          “Call me Bar.” He answers.

          “It’s like looking in a mirror. Well, almost.” Savitar chuckles, pointing to the burns on his face. Bar was a lot closer to him than Barry was though, between the emptiness in his eyes, and the faint injection marks on his wrists.

          “What I don’t know, is what happened to you.” Savitar adds.

          “In 2018, my blood was stolen. The blood remained in storage until 2030. Whoever stole it, combined it with Velocity drugs, which in turn created the street drug known as The Speedster’s Friend. Unlike its predecessor, the Speedster’s Friend granted the user permanent access to the speed force.  However, the drug also corrupted the user’s mind, which lead to the uprising of 2030.

          Julian had captured me, and every night he would inject me with that drug, a punishment for turning Caitlin Snow into Killer Frost. Being injected with that shit was like being dipped into a volcano, and it happened every night for a year, until one day my heart couldn’t take it, and it stopped. When I died, I was finally at peace. I was with Iris, and my parents, and I was happy, until Julian just had to revive me. Julian left after that, but the damage had already been done. I will _never_ forget what that bastard did to me.

          The Central City Relocation project came into effect the next year, and everyone that I knew, was gone, except for Wally, who had been in a catatonic state since 2017. I tried to snap him out of it, but nothing that I had tried was working, so I did the only thing I could think of: I injected him with that drug. He snapped out of it after that, which I was so grateful for. HR was dead, and Traci had been missing for sixteen years.

          I later found out that the Protectors had her locked up in Iron Heights after they found out that she was part of the Resistance. After that I traveled back in time to 2017. I’m going to stop that damn uprising if it’s the last thing I do.” Bar recalls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well ladies and gentlemen, that wraps up Camp Nanowrimo. While this fic is no where near finished yet, the camp nano part of it is, and so my fics are officially out of hiatus.


	8. Chapter 8

          It was around eight that night when Bar leaves Savitar’s side. Savitar had told him that they would be going after Marcus in a week, which Bar appreciated. Bar was about to head back to Star Labs when he receives a text from Iris.

          “ _Hey, don't come to Star Labs tonight. Barry and I want you to come over to our apartment.”_ She states.

          “Are you sure? I was just going to go to Cisco's place.” Bar asks.

          “ _I'm sure! We've barely had any time to spend with you after you got hurt.”_ Iris reassures him.

          “Okay, what’s the address?” Bar asks. He and Iris had never moved in together before Savitar killed her. He had proposed to her out of fear, not love, and she was still killed anyway. That was something that he always regretted, and being here, next to Iris, when he knows that she’s going to die? Well, Bar can’t lie, it hurts. Bar wasn’t here to save Iris though, he was here to stop the uprising, and he knows that once they find out about his choice to work with Savitar, that they’ll hate him. When Bar walked inside the house, Iris was there to greet him.

          “Hey Bar, I’m glad you showed up.” Iris smiles.

          “This apartment is amazing Iris. You and Barry really outdid yourselves.” Bar states.

          “Didn’t you and your Iris have a nice apartment?” Iris asks. Since they never really had a chance to talk, Bar never told them about the timeline that he came from.

          “No.” He answers. _Iris please, don’t ask anymore. You don’t want to know what happens to you._

          “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you need a haircut and a shave Bar.” Iris chuckles.

          “Excuse you, I’m forty-four years old, I can have facial hair if I damn well please.” Bar teases. Iris chuckles in response, and that’s when she walks over to him.

                   “Well, can we at least cut your hair? It isn’t even healthy at this point.” Iris pleads.

          “In the living room?” Bar asks. _I mean I know it’s been sixteen years since I’ve been around people, but don’t people normally have haircuts in the bathroom?_

“No silly, in the bathroom.” Iris chuckles, grabbing the scissors as she and Bar walks into the bathroom. Once they were inside, Bar sits in front of the mirror, and that’s when Iris starts working on cutting his hair. Bar had forgotten how gentle Iris’s touch was, or what her touch felt like in general. Hell, he’d even forgotten her voice at this point. Iris had put a towel over his shirt, not wanting to get hair on it.

          Bar listens to the sound of the scissors cutting his hair, closing his eyes. There was always something relaxing about having his hair cut, what that was, Bar didn’t know. Iris decides to just cut off the split ends, figuring that Bar didn’t want his hair to be any shorter than it needs to be.

          “Okay, well, that should do it. Are you sure you don’t want a shave too?” Iris asks as Bar gets up from the chair.

          “What are you saying you don’t like my facial hair?” Bar teases.

          “It’s not that, it’s just... Well, I’m still wrapping my head around your age.” Iris admits.

          “So where is Barry anyway?” Bar asks.

          “He went to the store to get us some stuff for tonight. He’ll be back.” Iris answers. It was about five minutes later when Barry gets back, slowly walking inside, with grocery bags in his hands.

          “Damn, that was fast even for him.” Bar comments. After that, they walk into the living room, helping Barry put the bags in the kitchen.

“So, what have we planned for tonight?” Bar asks.

          “Well Bar, we’re going to get caught up on "My life as a teenage metahuman". They just started the eighth season, and we haven’t even started the show yet.” Iris answers. Bar’s eyes widened at that statement.

          “What? You haven’t seen it yet? That’s it, we’re binge watching, no arguments!” Bar demands.

          “Well, okay then! Let’s go!” Iris chuckles, sitting on the couch with Bar as Barry made the snacks. Iris pulls up the first season, and that’s when she cues up the first episode, pausing it until Barry sits down with the snacks. Now that they have the snacks, Barry sits down, and Iris hits play. _The episode begins with a long shot of a city. The camera zooms in on a silhouette of a person. Behind the person, a shot of the particle accelerator explosion can be seen in the background._

_“My name is Alexandria Jones. Before the Star Labs Particle Accelerator explosion, I was an ordinary high school student. I made good grades, I had friends, parents. That all changed that night. That night I became what’s known as a metahuman._

_That night I became someone else. I became something else. I became: The Electric Woman.” The woman narrates. The camera changes to zoom in on the figure to reveal a sixteen-year-old girl with pale skin, blue eyes, and solid white hair. The camera zooms in to her hands, where white lightning flickers in them. The scene changes to a high school, where several students were huddled behind a desk, trying to survive. Suddenly, an explosion goes off, and lightning strikes Alexandria. The camera fades to black after that._

_“It was that day that I became a human lightning bolt. Ironic, isn’t it? I get struck by lightning and suddenly I become a human lightning bolt?” She speaks to the camera._

It was about one season later when Iris realizes that Bar had fallen asleep.

          “Well, I guess we should tuck him in.” She chuckles, helping Barry take Bar to the guest room. Once he was tucked in, Iris and Barry goes back to the living room, sitting on the couch.

          “You know I haven’t seen him smile? Not even once.” Barry states.

          “He’s hurting Barry. He’ll come around.” Iris reminds him.

          “I know, I just… I wish that he was happy.” Barry sighs.

          “Me too Barry, me too.” Iris agrees.

 

         

 


	9. Chapter 9

         A week passed since Bar spent the night with Barry, and Iris. When it was around three that morning, he runs to a roof in Keystone to talk to Savitar. He’s waiting there for thirty minutes before Savitar finally shows up.

         “I was beginning to think you’d forgotten about me.” Bar says.

         “Ha, you wish.” Savitar laughs.

         “Alright, what do you have for me?” Bar asks.

         “Marcus Stockheimer is on vacation in Star City. I found the hotel he’s staying at.” Savitar answers.

         “Alright I’ll go after Marcus, you go after Carson Jones.” Bar instructs.

         “Any special instructions on how you’d like him to die?” Savitar asks.

         “Two: Don’t get caught, and make it look like an accident.” Bar answers.

         “You got it.” Savitar says as he runs off. Bar watched as white lightning appears behind him, and that’s when he runs to the hotel that Marcus is staying at. When he gets there, he sees Marcus sitting in the lobby. Smirking, Bar runs over to the bleach, using his speed to mix it into a cup of coffee. After that, he walks over to Marcus.

         “Hey, I was wondering if you’d drink this cup for me? I accidentally got a caffeinated drink instead of decaf and I can’t drink it.” Bar asks.

         “Sure, I’ll drink it.” Marcus smiles as he takes the cup. When he sipped the cup, he starts vomiting. Bar watched as Marcus goes into shock and falls limp to the floor. Satisfied with his work, Bar returns to the roof that Savitar always meets him on. It was about forty minutes later when Savitar returns to the roof.

         “You take care of Marcus?” He asks.

         “Yeah. You take care of Carson?” Bar asks.

         “Yep. Made it look like a suicide.” Savitar answers.

         “Good. Meet me in a month when we go after Lillith.” Bar demands.

         “Will do.” Savitar says as he runs off. When the next day passes by, everyone at the CCPD was pulled aside for a meeting.

         “Everyone, I’m afraid to report that we have a serial killer on our hands. These kills have no rhyme or reason to them. Also, aside from the poisoning, we have no clue what kind of weapon our killer killed these people with.” David informs. Barry stares in shock.

         “What are we going to do?” He asks.

         “We can’t do anything until we can track this guy down. This guy is good. He leaves no evidence behind when he kills.” David informs.

         “Captain, maybe we should put a police detail on the families in town?” Vukuvich suggests.

         “You want us to put a police detail on everyone in Central City? We don’t have enough people for that.” Gibbons scoffs.

         “Then what Gibbons?” Certo asks.

         “I don’t know. There has to be some connection surely?” Gibbons says.

         “Well, if you find one, you let me know.” David sighs. Everyone grumbles as they get to work. Barry starts to walk to his lab only to be pulled aside by officer Doyle.

         “Actually, you’re with me today. I need a fresh set of eyes to investigate.” He informs. Barry blinks.

         “Um, alright…” He mutters as he gets in Doyle’s police cruiser. Once they were buckled in, Doyle drives to the hotel that Marcus was killed in. When they get there, they show the people their IDs and Barry gets to work. First, he takes a lung sample and that’s when he stares in confusion.

         “Bleach? The hell?” Barry asks, as he continues to examine Marcus. When the day finally ended Doyle drives Barry back to the precinct as they prepare to go home for the night. A month has passed since then, and the CCPD has been getting even more reports of a possible serial killer on the loose.

         The kills don’t seem to have any rhyme, or reason to them. Also, the weapons that were used to kill these people? They’ve never seen anything like that. It wasn’t until the fourth kill that David Singh’s eyes widened. He could have sworn that he saw an older version of Allen aiming a gun at someone. What the hell?

“Allen! Put the gun _down_!” He orders. Bar’s heart almost stops upon hearing that. What was he supposed to do? Could he really kill Barry’s boss in broad daylight?

         “Allen, I’m warning you, put the gun down. Don’t make me have to shoot you!” David shouts. Bar winces upon hearing Allen. Suddenly he was back in the war again.

         _“Allen what the hell are you doing? She’s a protector! Shoot her before she sends more of her friends after us!” General Watkins demanded._

_“Are you kidding me? She is sixteen-years-old! I am not shooting a kid!” Bar protests. Bar screams at the top of his lungs when the girl kills Watkins in cold blood. Bar points the gun at the girl, firing the shot as her body falls limp to the ground._

         “Damn it Allen, _move_!” David pleads.

         “I’m so sorry.” Bar apologizes as he sets the energy gun to stun mode. After that he shoots David, changing it to lethal mode as he kills Lilith. Bar sighs as he puts his gun away, running back to Savitar’s roof.

         “You know, I do have a house. You could stay there instead of meeting me on this roof each time.” Savitar chuckles. Bar smirks and walks closer to him.

         “Alright Savitar, _you’re on_. Show me your crib.” Bar laughs as Savitar drapes him over his shoulders. After that he takes him to a house in the rural area of Keystone, slowly putting him down as Bar walks inside. Savitar’s house had a lot of whites and browns, save the occasional pop of blue. On the walls were various paintings, none of which Bar recognized. Bar whistles when he sees the place.

         “I take it that means you like it?” Savitar asks.

         “Hell yeah, this place is _amazing_!” Bar exclaims. Savitar chuckles and helps Bar bring in the stuff he’d brought with him. Once he did that, Bar smiles as he sits on the couch.

 


End file.
